chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
