I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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