Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
