How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
