and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
