I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
