My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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