I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
