Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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