evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
