Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
