oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
