Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
