Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
