Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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