So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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