dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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