Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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