I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
