so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
where are my eyebrows?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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