This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
