so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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