Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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