I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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