I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
