I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize