he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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