Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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