butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
