I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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