hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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