So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
