so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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