I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
