it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
