I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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