I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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