When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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