why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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