after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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