Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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