Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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