FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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