I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
