can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she looked like the before picture.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize