What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would ride that face into the sunset
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize