I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
