There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
