If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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