Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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