Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize