My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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