OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
BRING THE BAGELS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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