He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
