So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I die, sorry about rent.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
