What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
