i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
send nudes
from the living room?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
