A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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