sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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