Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
