So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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