Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
