Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
