is your mom at the bar?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
third nipple confirmed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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