I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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