your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
