HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
