somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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