You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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