Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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