Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
