i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
