We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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