It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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