so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
