Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
