You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
