she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
