I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
