I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
