im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
