You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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