I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
