i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
