i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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