I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
