my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found your dick twin last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
