Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
