My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
