Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
