I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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