im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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