yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
