the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
