So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
