so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
